Over the past year and three months, I have certainly had my fair share of battles with my shoulder angels. It is amazing to me how many different people have come into my life in that time, and how many of them I couldn't deal with. It's left me saying things such as "Are you serious?" or "Were you really raised in such a way that you don't feel guilty doing that?" or "Did I do something in which you are using the Golden Rule against me?" Whatever the question is amidst conflict, there is always the aftershock of the situation... "Is my negativity getting me where I want to go?" So for those who read this and are dealing with some issues, this is for you.
In my profession as a Master Esthetician, I am introduced on a very personal level with many people. Some, I am not privileged enough to learn their story. And for some I really wish they would keep that sort of information to themselves, and yet if telling me those things makes them feel better, then ok. For others, I am so blessed for them to share personal life lessons with me.
As I said previously, I have had a rough year. Sometimes it feels like the weather is reflecting my emotion instead of the other way around. (Sorry for all the rain!) It's made me realize how debilitating negativity is. It all started with me shrugging things off rather than dealing with the problems head on. I admit, one of my many flaws is that I internalize things in hopes that the problem is a one time thing. The issue with that way of thinking is that, when the problem reoccurs 5, 10, 15 times, I still am thinking the same thing. My mom always says "Insanity is doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, but expecting different results". I think that is why so many people are sad, lonely, and depressed.
I had a client last month. She has four children, is divorced, and knows she is going to die from complications caused by a heart and lung disease. I knew something was up when I met her just because of her oxygen tubes coming out her nose. While I was doing her pedicure, she informed me that she was going to the hospital after to get a four hour operation. Though much of the time was spent sorting out a problem between the hospital and the insurance company, I was able to learn her story.
She was living in Canada with her husband and children when she learned that she had some health problems that are virtually incurable. Upon learning this, her husband informed her that he couldn't deal with her being sick, and left. She then gathered up her children and belongings they could fit into her car, and drove to Utah. Despite her trials, this incredibly strong woman kept her positive attitude and ability to recognize the many blessings which have come to aid her in her trials. Her children have also learned to count them for themselves.
There are people who seem to live off of negativity. They know if they complain enough, or even push people's buttons, they just might get what they want. Little do they know, sane people don't care to stick around for much of that. If you are one of those people, here are a few suggestions:
1. Stop being selfish. Service is one of the best ways (in my opinion) to bring yourself, and those around you some joy. Plus, it can sometimes come back with a surprise for you. One example, I decided to walk to church, my neighbor offered me a ride. She ended up leaving because her throat was hurting. I made up a tea with garlic, cardamom, lemon, ginger, and honey. All good things to soothe and heal a throat. She returned my pitcher with a bouquet of flowers.
-- Besides, I think 99% of people like to be in a give and take relationship. Who wants to be around a negative person who is like a black hole?
2. Try saying only positive experiences and statements for one day. Yes, this is a hard challenge. I once tried this and I was amazed at how many times I had to change my thoughts to rack my brain for something better to say. I still need to work on this one. Don't take this the wrong way, but issues will still need to be addressed. But it is amazing how one person can address something one way, and nothing is improved, in fact, it's gotten a little worse. Then, a different approach by a different person, and the problem is solved. My mom recommends the book "How to Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes.
3. For my last suggestion, count your blessings. It can be something as simple as, I have a nose which allows me to smell. I have a tv remote which allows me to sit on this couch all day. I have a pet hamster which isn't afraid to be cuddled.... Try praying about things you are thankful you have. Some days may feel stormy, but there is always sunshine to come. Times of trial creates opportunity for a better, stronger, more beautiful you. Unless you try the same thing again, and again, and again, and again..........
